No beer, but a fucking scary big tub of

Mind you, this fucking tub is super fucking huge I swear.

QUICK DISSOLVING EASY-TO-MIX GNC PRO PERFORMANCE 100% WHEY MOTHERFUCKING PROTEIN. 

I can't recall how I plunge my dickhead into this tub of protein, but before I know what the protein was going on I was already texting my girlfriend this picture of protein for her to get me some, like what all women should do for men, other than the usual making sandwiches fetching beers and stuff. They are happy doing those things.

So now, we all know how beer gets you laid (Colt 45), getting kids unknowingly from sperm smelling like beer, and get us unwanted body fats at our tummies. Why not we all come around and add a scoop of whey into our Carlsberg tonight.

What the fuck's going on here.

Some fucktards were seriously having some serious discussion on how they can seriously make a serious whey protein beer. Seriously. http://www.homebrewtalk.com/f14/beer-protein-powder-200562/ you can check them out from this link. Come on folks, at the end of 2 bottles of protein beer your balls would probably have 5kg worth of sperm inside.

Back to the topic, proteins. I'll just summarise the whole dump of info I digged through before I bought my first tub of EASY-TO-MIX, or whatever you call it.

I found out that this... 

Every sperm is sacred.

Is made up of this...

For your info, this is a predicted structure of C44189H71252N12428O14007S321.

I shit you not fuckers. Google it all you want. It's C44189H71252N12428O14007S321

And C44189H71252N12428O14007S321 is actually this.

Oh me again?

And I found out that sperm, let's call it semen from now. I found out that semen, is a powerful anti-oxidant. It is considered great in diminishing and reducing wrinkles. It also makes the skin smooth. And one squirt of semen session on your face is $250 for 10 minutes. 

I shit you not ladies.. and gays. 

I am telling you now that every potent men with ejacuable semen is rich. I would have been a billionaire if I kept my semen from the day I first started masturbating at the age of 6. Go and google this Norwegian semen company called Bioforskning or follow this link http://www.smashinglists.com/10-weirdest-ingredients-used-in-beauty-products-and-cosmetics/ if you don't believe what the semen I'm semen-ing about. 

So back to the topic, choosing the right semen for your face.. Or in other words, how do you really choose the right protein for yourself?

Just follow this chart to gauge how much protein you should take every day according to which category you're in.. (taken from http://www.fitsugar.com/How-Much-Protein-Should-I-Eat-165578)

Weight in pounds	Weight in kilograms	Protein per day if you're not very active (kg multiplied by 0.8)	Protein per day if you're active or pregnant (kg multiplied by 1.3)	Protein per day if you're extremely active or in training (kg multiplied by 1.8)
100 lbs	45.5 kg	36.4 g	59.2 g	81.9 g
105 lbs	47.7 kg	38.2 g	62 g	85.9 g
110 lbs	50 kg	40 g	65 g	90 g
115 lbs	52.3 kg	41.8 g	68 g	94.1 g
120 lbs	54.5 kg	43.6 g	70.9 g	98.1 g
125 lbs	56.8 kg	45.4 g	73.8 g	102.2 g
130 lbs	59.1 kg	47.3 g	76.8 g	106.4 g
135 lbs	61.4 kg	49.1 g	79.8 g	110.5 g
140 lbs	63.6 kg	50.9 g	82.7 g	114.5 g
145 lbs	65.9 kg	52.7 g	85.7 g	118.6 g
150 lbs	68.2 kg	54.7 g	88.7 g	122.8 g
155 lbs	70.5 kg	56.4 g	91.7 g	126.9 g
160 lbs	72.7 kg	58.2 g	94.5 g	130.8 g
165 lbs	75 kg	60 g	97.5 g	135 g

The type of protein you prefer in your lifestyle, fucking read it yourself here. http://www.livestrong.com/article/322375-the-types-of-protein-shakes/

I am personally taking in Whey protein. Fast and stuff. It's my own preference tho. You may want to consult the person selling these protein powders, or your boyfriends and fuck buddies whether you should spend money on something that can be produced in abundance for free.

That's all about protein. Hope you enjoy semen as much as I do after reading.

Behind every beer towers...

Other than the sexy and always so uninterested waitress who carried it here, are numerous stories from every walks of life.

"There are no secrets better kept between you and a beer tower. #truestory"

I'm feeling all philosophical now early in the Sunday morning, so whoever is reading this, bear with me. Philosophy can be really dry, but don't forget this people, being wet is not always better, explains magikarps. 

Sorry brah, but til then we are still going to laugh at you.

BUT GUESS WHAT??? EVERY FUCKING MAGIKARP HAS ITS MOTHERFUCKING DAY.

"Die motherfucking die motherfucking die!!!!!!"

HAHAHAHAHA SO THOSE who laughed at magikarps before better watch out, for ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY FUCK WITH A MAGIKARP LOLOLOL. For those who can't appreciate what that magikarp did, here's the breakdown:


1) The magikarp, which is a female (don't ask me how I know), leaped out of the water before Piplup shoots his bubbles at her BECAUSE this will increase the mobility of her tail fin in order to deflect the bubbles. Then with the gravity and F = ma equation in mind, she charged down from the air into the water and tackles Piplup. *mind-blown*


2) She dodged Pikachu's thunderbolt by leaping into the air, once again gaining the advantage of gravity and the F = ma shit. Went down, gave Pikachu a bitch fin slap. *mind-fucking-blown*


3) And then they both exploded and died. *MIND-FUCKED*

So back to the topic. Beer has this magical touch to all of us. This is my story of how beer magically touched my life... 

"When I was young, I remember my mum will keep screaming at me to drink 8 full glasses of water every single day while I am talking to my Doraemon. But I never did... So as to make it up to you, mum, I'll drink 16 glasses of beer for you every night." #truestory

Don't you realise this? Water makes you bloated, and dulan (for those who don't understand hokkien, it means healthy), and reminds you of the sad times when you were happily fishing with the "old rod" but all you ever got were magikarps. Even until now I still can't move on from that... I hate myself for being so emotionally weak.

But beer you can. What's more? It gives you beer goggle which really comes in handy sometimes... When you are looking into the mirror that is.

Nuff said. So how did beer magically touched YOUR life? :)

And for those who know where I got the next picture from are awesome.

"Listen to my story, this may be our last chance."

I'm not being anal here but it'd have been better if it goes like this.. "Listen to my #truestory, this may be our last chance."