No beer, but a fucking scary big tub of

Mind you, this fucking tub is super fucking huge I swear.

QUICK DISSOLVING EASY-TO-MIX GNC PRO PERFORMANCE 100% WHEY MOTHERFUCKING PROTEIN. 

I can't recall how I plunge my dickhead into this tub of protein, but before I know what the protein was going on I was already texting my girlfriend this picture of protein for her to get me some, like what all women should do for men, other than the usual making sandwiches fetching beers and stuff. They are happy doing those things.

So now, we all know how beer gets you laid (Colt 45), getting kids unknowingly from sperm smelling like beer, and get us unwanted body fats at our tummies. Why not we all come around and add a scoop of whey into our Carlsberg tonight.

What the fuck's going on here.

Some fucktards were seriously having some serious discussion on how they can seriously make a serious whey protein beer. Seriously. http://www.homebrewtalk.com/f14/beer-protein-powder-200562/ you can check them out from this link. Come on folks, at the end of 2 bottles of protein beer your balls would probably have 5kg worth of sperm inside.

Back to the topic, proteins. I'll just summarise the whole dump of info I digged through before I bought my first tub of EASY-TO-MIX, or whatever you call it.

I found out that this... 

Every sperm is sacred.

Is made up of this...

For your info, this is a predicted structure of C44189H71252N12428O14007S321.

I shit you not fuckers. Google it all you want. It's C44189H71252N12428O14007S321

And C44189H71252N12428O14007S321 is actually this.

Oh me again?

And I found out that sperm, let's call it semen from now. I found out that semen, is a powerful anti-oxidant. It is considered great in diminishing and reducing wrinkles. It also makes the skin smooth. And one squirt of semen session on your face is $250 for 10 minutes. 

I shit you not ladies.. and gays. 

I am telling you now that every potent men with ejacuable semen is rich. I would have been a billionaire if I kept my semen from the day I first started masturbating at the age of 6. Go and google this Norwegian semen company called Bioforskning or follow this link http://www.smashinglists.com/10-weirdest-ingredients-used-in-beauty-products-and-cosmetics/ if you don't believe what the semen I'm semen-ing about. 

So back to the topic, choosing the right semen for your face.. Or in other words, how do you really choose the right protein for yourself?

Just follow this chart to gauge how much protein you should take every day according to which category you're in.. (taken from http://www.fitsugar.com/How-Much-Protein-Should-I-Eat-165578)

Weight in pounds	Weight in kilograms	Protein per day if you're not very active (kg multiplied by 0.8)	Protein per day if you're active or pregnant (kg multiplied by 1.3)	Protein per day if you're extremely active or in training (kg multiplied by 1.8)
100 lbs	45.5 kg	36.4 g	59.2 g	81.9 g
105 lbs	47.7 kg	38.2 g	62 g	85.9 g
110 lbs	50 kg	40 g	65 g	90 g
115 lbs	52.3 kg	41.8 g	68 g	94.1 g
120 lbs	54.5 kg	43.6 g	70.9 g	98.1 g
125 lbs	56.8 kg	45.4 g	73.8 g	102.2 g
130 lbs	59.1 kg	47.3 g	76.8 g	106.4 g
135 lbs	61.4 kg	49.1 g	79.8 g	110.5 g
140 lbs	63.6 kg	50.9 g	82.7 g	114.5 g
145 lbs	65.9 kg	52.7 g	85.7 g	118.6 g
150 lbs	68.2 kg	54.7 g	88.7 g	122.8 g
155 lbs	70.5 kg	56.4 g	91.7 g	126.9 g
160 lbs	72.7 kg	58.2 g	94.5 g	130.8 g
165 lbs	75 kg	60 g	97.5 g	135 g

The type of protein you prefer in your lifestyle, fucking read it yourself here. http://www.livestrong.com/article/322375-the-types-of-protein-shakes/

I am personally taking in Whey protein. Fast and stuff. It's my own preference tho. You may want to consult the person selling these protein powders, or your boyfriends and fuck buddies whether you should spend money on something that can be produced in abundance for free.

That's all about protein. Hope you enjoy semen as much as I do after reading.

Behind every beer towers...

Other than the sexy and always so uninterested waitress who carried it here, are numerous stories from every walks of life.

"There are no secrets better kept between you and a beer tower. #truestory"

I'm feeling all philosophical now early in the Sunday morning, so whoever is reading this, bear with me. Philosophy can be really dry, but don't forget this people, being wet is not always better, explains magikarps. 

Sorry brah, but til then we are still going to laugh at you.

BUT GUESS WHAT??? EVERY FUCKING MAGIKARP HAS ITS MOTHERFUCKING DAY.

"Die motherfucking die motherfucking die!!!!!!"

HAHAHAHAHA SO THOSE who laughed at magikarps before better watch out, for ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY FUCK WITH A MAGIKARP LOLOLOL. For those who can't appreciate what that magikarp did, here's the breakdown:


1) The magikarp, which is a female (don't ask me how I know), leaped out of the water before Piplup shoots his bubbles at her BECAUSE this will increase the mobility of her tail fin in order to deflect the bubbles. Then with the gravity and F = ma equation in mind, she charged down from the air into the water and tackles Piplup. *mind-blown*


2) She dodged Pikachu's thunderbolt by leaping into the air, once again gaining the advantage of gravity and the F = ma shit. Went down, gave Pikachu a bitch fin slap. *mind-fucking-blown*


3) And then they both exploded and died. *MIND-FUCKED*

So back to the topic. Beer has this magical touch to all of us. This is my story of how beer magically touched my life... 

"When I was young, I remember my mum will keep screaming at me to drink 8 full glasses of water every single day while I am talking to my Doraemon. But I never did... So as to make it up to you, mum, I'll drink 16 glasses of beer for you every night." #truestory

Don't you realise this? Water makes you bloated, and dulan (for those who don't understand hokkien, it means healthy), and reminds you of the sad times when you were happily fishing with the "old rod" but all you ever got were magikarps. Even until now I still can't move on from that... I hate myself for being so emotionally weak.

But beer you can. What's more? It gives you beer goggle which really comes in handy sometimes... When you are looking into the mirror that is.

Nuff said. So how did beer magically touched YOUR life? :)

And for those who know where I got the next picture from are awesome.

"Listen to my story, this may be our last chance."

I'm not being anal here but it'd have been better if it goes like this.. "Listen to my #truestory, this may be our last chance."

The phone call...

Which you know will make you stop whatever you're doing, just to answer it.

Which you know will make you ease those tensions you're going through at work.

Which you know will listen to whatever you want to say, no matter how long-winded you get, no matter how late it is.

Which you know will always make you laugh, no matter where you are and what you are doing.

Which you know you will never get enough of.... Ever.

The phone call... Which never fails to put a smile on my face even before I answer it.... Is never going to happen again. Never be the same without yours. Nothing to look forward to, just miseries and disappointments.

Let's talk something alcoholic today.

Of course you noticed that I said 'alcoholic', and you know oh so well that I'm not going to talk about beer today, unless you're a fucktard like this pubic head.

"I  was correct what..." said the pubic fucktard.

Being a beer blog restricted my inspirations for quite awhile, HOWEVER, I'm going to change this retarded mindset of mine and say whatever I want to say, like how you guys know me for. 

Here comes the main selling point of today's post. Before I start blah blah-ing about what I'm gonna blah about, heed this piece of advice, or you will regret. 

NEVER, EVER, GO TO AN UNDERGROUND BAR IN JAPAN.

The table is able to settle 5 customers, with maybe 2 tables for 4 to 1 table behind us. That's all to it.

I did, and I've never enjoyed any cocktails in Singapore anymore ever since. It was a tragedy. Never fucking mess with those Japanese bartenders even if their great grand-fathers fucked your great grand-mothers during WWII.


I ordered a Gin Fizz to test out how different can it be compared to Singapore's, and here's my result:

Japan: Took him 7 full minutes, from making my highball glass cold by spinning some ice inside, to the final stirring which was insanely skilled. The whole process was a pleasure to my eye. (sorry I can't describe how he did it, I had videos tho.)

Singapore: Took him 30 seconds until the final adding of soda water.

Insanity. Sorry to disappoint you but this was just a ripped off from googling "Japanese Bartender"

I have never imagined that a simple Gin Fizz, under a different set of hands, is able to pull a heaven and hell difference in taste. I will never forget that night. Never.

I will post the videos I took when the bartender is cocktail-ing my cocktails soon enough, like, after I learn how to upload videos onto a blog and stuff. Teach me if you know how to do it? I will sincerely say a sincere thank you to you through a sincere Yours sincerely postcard.... With my most sincere face as you can see below.

My most sincere face.

Sorry to end so abruptly but thank you for reading. 

The legendary quick fix beer has emerged..... Colt 45

but only for Indian girls with bomb hair.

What the fuck is "It works everytime !" ?! I can't stop laughing at this corny advertisement the first time I saw it. O'well, if you have ever tried this beer before, you will understand it's beer magic straightaway. It's enough to make you high and higher in 3 cans, giddy and giddier in 4 cans, drunk at the 5th cans, naked the next morning if you're a girl. I call it the "5 Cans Quick Fix". Notice the small writings below Colth 45? Malt Liquor. Here's the catch, it's a liquor fermented with malt and carbonized like a beer into a beer can. It's enough to kill even a seasoned beer drinker (I was killed). It's a cheap version of Martell + Tiger at Boat Quay. 

That was only his 3rd can of Colt 45.

Anyway this magical beer is sold in Cheers and 7-11 at $2+. If you wanna get laid, simply head down the your nearest outlet with a piece of $10 note, get yourself a few cans, get drunk, and go fuck the floor ha ha ha but make sure you don't get stomped like this stupid ass over there.


So apparently, Colt 45 beer gained its recognition among desperate men and women after it successfully increased the rate of pregnancy. For your own info, Colt 45 beer is actually inspired by this.

The Real Colt 45.

Doesn't this bring back memories? I remember that I used to have a few of this guns at home when I was young, shooting invisible baddies and stuff. 

Homebrewing made easy in Singapore.

It has been awhile since I last posted. Today I'm just going to talk about the Homebrewing scene in our clean and green country, Singapore.


Homebrewing made easy in Singapore. Yes, I'm going to talk on the law of homebrewing beer in Singapore and of course, the equipments needed to do so. Homebrewing is trending in other countries such as Australia and UK, but not Singapore. Probably because 99% of the time parents will object to the very idea of making beer. Can you imagine? Your parents fuck you up for drinking beer every other night, especially for girls, and now you wanna fucking brew the fucking beer in their very own fucking house? They will probably flying kick you and use your fermenter to store water and wash their cars. But let's say your parents are beer drinkers themselves, like mine, you can do it. And this is how it's done.

"This is for brewing muthafuckin' beer at home you dog."

According to The Law...

No Licence Needed for Home-Brew of Beer and Liquors

I am pleased to inform you that with the enactment of the Customs (Home-Brewing of Fermented liquors)(Exemption) Order 2008 comes into operation on 4th April 2008, there is no need for an individual to fucking apply for a licence from the Singapore Customs for brewing of beer, stout, porter, ale and other liquors (including samsu, wine etc), subject to the following conditions:

a) the person shall be 18 years old and above;
b) the manufacture of liquors shall be by fermentation and not by
distillation;
c) the amount of liquor manufactured shall not exceed —
(i) in relation to beer, including stout, porter and ale, 30
litres per household of the person per month; and
(ii) in relation to any other fermented iquor, 30
litres in total for all such liquors per household of the
person per month;
d) the liquor made shall be used for personal consumption and not
for sale; and
e) the brewing activities do not create nuisance to the public or
degrade the environment.

2 Our record shows that you are issued with a licence for home-brewing
of beer. Consequent to the enactment of the Customs (Home-Brewing of
Fermented liquors)(Exemption) Order 2008, the licence is therefore
withdrawn, as there is no fucking need for such a licence. Please destroy the
licence. Please be informed that there is no refund of the licence fee in
accordance to one of the conditions for the issuance of the licence which
states that no refund of licence fee will be made for revocation or
withdrawal of licence.

3 Please contact the undersigned at 63552093 if you have questions or
wish to seek clarification on the matter.

Yours sincerely

Yeo Soon Heng
Senior Revenue Control Officer
Revenue Control Branch

for Director -General of Singapore Customs 


I've censored the writer of this law just-in-case to avoid any unforeseen troubles, please bear with it. If you're amused by why such a serious letter has a few vulgarities in there.... Is I write myself one lah hahaha make it more shiok what right?!


So my advice to you is JUST DO IT. For own homebrewing beer kits? Visit www.homebrew.com.sg, a venture started out by Mr Neo Say Wee, one of Brewerkz's young and handsome talented brewer, and also www.ibrew.com.sg, they have a very decent homebrewing kit as well. A simple and typical home brewing kit will look like this...

With barrels and ladders and stuffs.

A man checking his simple homebrewing kit in his kitchen at home.

Sorry I fucking lied.

Taken from www.homebrew.com.sg

Hope we can discuss about homebrewing in time to come folks. Vous Voir!

Let's talk about Tiger Beer

How much do you know about our Singapore's first locally brewed beer? Other than it has 5% alcohol content and it's a pale lager?

"It's Tiger Time."

The taste is definitely different from last time yeah, they secretly stopped using tiger meat to cut costs or something. I don't know how many of you agree with me on this but, it used to be not so easy drinking. I really enjoyed it's ultimate unique bitter after-taste compared to other beers such as Anchor's easy-drinking and mild after-taste. Now the taste doesn't linger in my mouth after every mouthful anymore. But nonetheless, it's still the best lager you can find at any standard kopitiams. If you would like to know how to home brew it.....

How the fuck would I know. I would have been assassinated for knowing their top secret.

"Hasta la vista, baby." 

In any case, almost all Singaporeans have either tasted it, had a love/hate relationship with it, got smashed on the head with it, or played a little game or two with the Tiger beer bottles. If you need ideas on "101 ways to play with a Tiger beer bottle" please find me at Blk 824 Tampines St 81 if you have the chance. I will show you some. Although I live in Eunos, it's just that beer is always colder on the other side. 

So.... Which beer drinker in Singapore has never tried Tiger beer before? YOU MUST BE RETARDED. Do you know if you can throw a party with Tiger beer in Australia you're considered a RICH FAG?? The beer is SOOOO high-end in other countries that it can only be tasted in high-ends restaurants or hotels. 

But have you ever tasted....... The Tiger: Crystal Version. Tiger now wanna act one pokemon.

"Hey big boys, you wanna play with us tonight?"

SEXY LITTLE TIGRESSES~~ Don't they look like gorgeous women wearing a silver tight dress curving the body.... Fair and smooth pair of thighs coming through the mini short skirt.... Low cut bearing desserts.... WOO LOOK AT THAT BABY MAN. Excited yet? It's created with this unique "Twin Ice" draught system technology which allows the beer to be chilled at -2 degrees celcius to ensure unpolluted beer. What's more exciting is that YOU CAN CUSTOMIZE THE AMOUNT OF LIQUID AND CRYSTALLISED BEER IN EACH GLASS. You want cold they give you cold, you want colder they give you colder.

The Website also mentioned something like, "Your beer, your way." but I would call it, "Have it in your own Way of Beer." That appeals to us beer drinkers more because every one of us have our unique preference of drinking, our own unique Way of Beer. Right?

Anyway if you're interested in trying it out, here are the locations. Females should love it alot so.... Be prepared to burn a big hole in your pocket if you wanna get lucky and get laid.

Beach Cabana - 1000 East Coast Parkway

Beach Culture - 131 Pasir Ris Road, Pasir Ris Beach Park Carpark E

Estate Bar - 19 Aroozoo Avenue, #02-01, Charlton Park

Peppermint Park - 3 Sentosa Gateway, St James Power Station

Sky Bar - 41 Imbiah Road, Sentosa

Villa Bali - 9 Lock Road #09A-01, Gillman Village

Vista Bistro -  902 East Coast Parkway