The phone call...

Which you know will make you stop whatever you're doing, just to answer it.

Which you know will make you ease those tensions you're going through at work.

Which you know will listen to whatever you want to say, no matter how long-winded you get, no matter how late it is.

Which you know will always make you laugh, no matter where you are and what you are doing.

Which you know you will never get enough of.... Ever.

The phone call... Which never fails to put a smile on my face even before I answer it.... Is never going to happen again. Never be the same without yours. Nothing to look forward to, just miseries and disappointments.

Let's talk something alcoholic today.

Of course you noticed that I said 'alcoholic', and you know oh so well that I'm not going to talk about beer today, unless you're a fucktard like this pubic head.

"I  was correct what..." said the pubic fucktard.

Being a beer blog restricted my inspirations for quite awhile, HOWEVER, I'm going to change this retarded mindset of mine and say whatever I want to say, like how you guys know me for. 

Here comes the main selling point of today's post. Before I start blah blah-ing about what I'm gonna blah about, heed this piece of advice, or you will regret. 

NEVER, EVER, GO TO AN UNDERGROUND BAR IN JAPAN.

The table is able to settle 5 customers, with maybe 2 tables for 4 to 1 table behind us. That's all to it.

I did, and I've never enjoyed any cocktails in Singapore anymore ever since. It was a tragedy. Never fucking mess with those Japanese bartenders even if their great grand-fathers fucked your great grand-mothers during WWII.


I ordered a Gin Fizz to test out how different can it be compared to Singapore's, and here's my result:

Japan: Took him 7 full minutes, from making my highball glass cold by spinning some ice inside, to the final stirring which was insanely skilled. The whole process was a pleasure to my eye. (sorry I can't describe how he did it, I had videos tho.)

Singapore: Took him 30 seconds until the final adding of soda water.

Insanity. Sorry to disappoint you but this was just a ripped off from googling "Japanese Bartender"

I have never imagined that a simple Gin Fizz, under a different set of hands, is able to pull a heaven and hell difference in taste. I will never forget that night. Never.

I will post the videos I took when the bartender is cocktail-ing my cocktails soon enough, like, after I learn how to upload videos onto a blog and stuff. Teach me if you know how to do it? I will sincerely say a sincere thank you to you through a sincere Yours sincerely postcard.... With my most sincere face as you can see below.

My most sincere face.

Sorry to end so abruptly but thank you for reading. 

The legendary quick fix beer has emerged..... Colt 45

but only for Indian girls with bomb hair.

What the fuck is "It works everytime !" ?! I can't stop laughing at this corny advertisement the first time I saw it. O'well, if you have ever tried this beer before, you will understand it's beer magic straightaway. It's enough to make you high and higher in 3 cans, giddy and giddier in 4 cans, drunk at the 5th cans, naked the next morning if you're a girl. I call it the "5 Cans Quick Fix". Notice the small writings below Colth 45? Malt Liquor. Here's the catch, it's a liquor fermented with malt and carbonized like a beer into a beer can. It's enough to kill even a seasoned beer drinker (I was killed). It's a cheap version of Martell + Tiger at Boat Quay. 

That was only his 3rd can of Colt 45.

Anyway this magical beer is sold in Cheers and 7-11 at $2+. If you wanna get laid, simply head down the your nearest outlet with a piece of $10 note, get yourself a few cans, get drunk, and go fuck the floor ha ha ha but make sure you don't get stomped like this stupid ass over there.


So apparently, Colt 45 beer gained its recognition among desperate men and women after it successfully increased the rate of pregnancy. For your own info, Colt 45 beer is actually inspired by this.

The Real Colt 45.

Doesn't this bring back memories? I remember that I used to have a few of this guns at home when I was young, shooting invisible baddies and stuff. 

Homebrewing made easy in Singapore.

It has been awhile since I last posted. Today I'm just going to talk about the Homebrewing scene in our clean and green country, Singapore.


Homebrewing made easy in Singapore. Yes, I'm going to talk on the law of homebrewing beer in Singapore and of course, the equipments needed to do so. Homebrewing is trending in other countries such as Australia and UK, but not Singapore. Probably because 99% of the time parents will object to the very idea of making beer. Can you imagine? Your parents fuck you up for drinking beer every other night, especially for girls, and now you wanna fucking brew the fucking beer in their very own fucking house? They will probably flying kick you and use your fermenter to store water and wash their cars. But let's say your parents are beer drinkers themselves, like mine, you can do it. And this is how it's done.

"This is for brewing muthafuckin' beer at home you dog."

According to The Law...

No Licence Needed for Home-Brew of Beer and Liquors

I am pleased to inform you that with the enactment of the Customs (Home-Brewing of Fermented liquors)(Exemption) Order 2008 comes into operation on 4th April 2008, there is no need for an individual to fucking apply for a licence from the Singapore Customs for brewing of beer, stout, porter, ale and other liquors (including samsu, wine etc), subject to the following conditions:

a) the person shall be 18 years old and above;
b) the manufacture of liquors shall be by fermentation and not by
distillation;
c) the amount of liquor manufactured shall not exceed —
(i) in relation to beer, including stout, porter and ale, 30
litres per household of the person per month; and
(ii) in relation to any other fermented iquor, 30
litres in total for all such liquors per household of the
person per month;
d) the liquor made shall be used for personal consumption and not
for sale; and
e) the brewing activities do not create nuisance to the public or
degrade the environment.

2 Our record shows that you are issued with a licence for home-brewing
of beer. Consequent to the enactment of the Customs (Home-Brewing of
Fermented liquors)(Exemption) Order 2008, the licence is therefore
withdrawn, as there is no fucking need for such a licence. Please destroy the
licence. Please be informed that there is no refund of the licence fee in
accordance to one of the conditions for the issuance of the licence which
states that no refund of licence fee will be made for revocation or
withdrawal of licence.

3 Please contact the undersigned at 63552093 if you have questions or
wish to seek clarification on the matter.

Yours sincerely

Yeo Soon Heng
Senior Revenue Control Officer
Revenue Control Branch

for Director -General of Singapore Customs 


I've censored the writer of this law just-in-case to avoid any unforeseen troubles, please bear with it. If you're amused by why such a serious letter has a few vulgarities in there.... Is I write myself one lah hahaha make it more shiok what right?!


So my advice to you is JUST DO IT. For own homebrewing beer kits? Visit www.homebrew.com.sg, a venture started out by Mr Neo Say Wee, one of Brewerkz's young and handsome talented brewer, and also www.ibrew.com.sg, they have a very decent homebrewing kit as well. A simple and typical home brewing kit will look like this...

With barrels and ladders and stuffs.

A man checking his simple homebrewing kit in his kitchen at home.

Sorry I fucking lied.

Taken from www.homebrew.com.sg

Hope we can discuss about homebrewing in time to come folks. Vous Voir!

Let's talk about Tiger Beer

How much do you know about our Singapore's first locally brewed beer? Other than it has 5% alcohol content and it's a pale lager?

"It's Tiger Time."

The taste is definitely different from last time yeah, they secretly stopped using tiger meat to cut costs or something. I don't know how many of you agree with me on this but, it used to be not so easy drinking. I really enjoyed it's ultimate unique bitter after-taste compared to other beers such as Anchor's easy-drinking and mild after-taste. Now the taste doesn't linger in my mouth after every mouthful anymore. But nonetheless, it's still the best lager you can find at any standard kopitiams. If you would like to know how to home brew it.....

How the fuck would I know. I would have been assassinated for knowing their top secret.

"Hasta la vista, baby." 

In any case, almost all Singaporeans have either tasted it, had a love/hate relationship with it, got smashed on the head with it, or played a little game or two with the Tiger beer bottles. If you need ideas on "101 ways to play with a Tiger beer bottle" please find me at Blk 824 Tampines St 81 if you have the chance. I will show you some. Although I live in Eunos, it's just that beer is always colder on the other side. 

So.... Which beer drinker in Singapore has never tried Tiger beer before? YOU MUST BE RETARDED. Do you know if you can throw a party with Tiger beer in Australia you're considered a RICH FAG?? The beer is SOOOO high-end in other countries that it can only be tasted in high-ends restaurants or hotels. 

But have you ever tasted....... The Tiger: Crystal Version. Tiger now wanna act one pokemon.

"Hey big boys, you wanna play with us tonight?"

SEXY LITTLE TIGRESSES~~ Don't they look like gorgeous women wearing a silver tight dress curving the body.... Fair and smooth pair of thighs coming through the mini short skirt.... Low cut bearing desserts.... WOO LOOK AT THAT BABY MAN. Excited yet? It's created with this unique "Twin Ice" draught system technology which allows the beer to be chilled at -2 degrees celcius to ensure unpolluted beer. What's more exciting is that YOU CAN CUSTOMIZE THE AMOUNT OF LIQUID AND CRYSTALLISED BEER IN EACH GLASS. You want cold they give you cold, you want colder they give you colder.

The Website also mentioned something like, "Your beer, your way." but I would call it, "Have it in your own Way of Beer." That appeals to us beer drinkers more because every one of us have our unique preference of drinking, our own unique Way of Beer. Right?

Anyway if you're interested in trying it out, here are the locations. Females should love it alot so.... Be prepared to burn a big hole in your pocket if you wanna get lucky and get laid.

Beach Cabana - 1000 East Coast Parkway

Beach Culture - 131 Pasir Ris Road, Pasir Ris Beach Park Carpark E

Estate Bar - 19 Aroozoo Avenue, #02-01, Charlton Park

Peppermint Park - 3 Sentosa Gateway, St James Power Station

Sky Bar - 41 Imbiah Road, Sentosa

Villa Bali - 9 Lock Road #09A-01, Gillman Village

Vista Bistro -  902 East Coast Parkway

Fuck milk, got beer?

What is the real definition of Beer?


Beer is a crater on Mars named in honor of the German astronomer Wilhelm Beer. It is located at 14.4°S 351.8°E.. 


Sorry wrong definition. It should be this one.


Beer is a relatively small lunar impact crater located on the Mare Imbrium, to the east of the crater Timocharis. Just to the northwest is the matching twin Feuillée.


WHAT THE FUCK GIVE ME THE CORRECT ONE ALREADY.

Even a baby knows what beer is. That's because beer, other than water and tea which keeps you healthy, is the 3rd most popular beverage around the world. Even monks drink beer, believe it or not. Trappist monks are still brewing their own beer since year 1595 up til this date. 

This amazing beer brewed by trappist monks still uses the recipe they created back in 1595.

Portions of the earnings went to charity, more portions of it went into their monasteries, and even more portions of it were used to finance their daily life, because meditating may be costly sometimes as we all know. But nonetheless, if any of you come across this beer please give it a try. A single drop from this beer contains more culture than the most cultured person you've ever came across.

My word for Beer.

To me, there's nothing in this world can ever breathe a challenge to beer. Not even close. Non-alcoholic drinks like Coke? The funny gi-ka-poh (kickapoo.. seriously)? Naw dude. You don't cheers to them ya. Beer has this ability, to enhance what you're already feeling, enhances your emotions. It defines how the atmosphere is supposed to be, often, happy and positive atmosphere. Agree to the max? If let's say you're down and out, you drink alone, you may want to commit suicide. But if you were to come out and drink with this extremely hyperactive buddy can you imagine? He is definitely going to cheer you up. Instead of drinking alone and committing suicide later, you might both end up peeing on the door of the girl's house who cheated on you. 

So start drinking that bottle of beer now. Don't be a spoil sport. Beer is more popular than coffee even when the whole world drinks coffee every morning what do you think? You give me a naked megan fox or a night of unlimited beer? Beer thanks.

Beer is just awesome.

"I agree, dude."

Don't you want to know... The Discovery of Beer?

Let's go way back to the dawn of time in this post, and talk about how beer is discovered.


History is plain boring, to me, maybe not to you, but to me. I've never once attended my history classes and during the O'levels my teacher doesn't even know who is this gangster taking her history paper. So I'm gonna summarise it so much, you have the rough idea how it is from, and we can all go fly kite later.


Beer brewing was started around 6,000 years ago by the Sumerian tribe, from Sumeria. Nobody knows how they start to know this beer brewing process, but what's interesting is they actually had a hymn, called "Hymn to Ninkasi", the hymn is also the recipe of making beer. What about Ninkasi? She is the goddess of beer, who provided the world the secrets of making beer, and she looks like er... this, with a fucking fermenter on her head.

"Satisfy the desire, Sate the heart."

(It's not really a fermenter on Ninkasi's head, just in case you're retarded and you believed what I said earlier.)

With pictograms (those pieces of earth which those ancient people likes to scribble on), they showed bread being baked and crumbled into water, making a mash, which is then made into a drink which makes people feel, "exhilarating, wonderful, and blissful!" It could be that a piece of bread or grain became wet and a short time later, it began to ferment into a pulp.

But nonetheless, to me, a beer goddess should at least look like some hot chicks, like these.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me."

So that's all for the history of beer that we need to know, not too much that you can hold a lecture on history of beer, nor too little as well. At least when people ask you, "Hey dude, how beer comes from man?" you can give them a satisfactory answer, which of course, let them know that you meant business.

So cheers guys!